How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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