bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
