that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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