Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dick very happy bro
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
