I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
