I'm going to jail i love you
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
