im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
This gyro tastes like lonliness
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
