I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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