Your face is a jimmy john
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
