then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
