I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
