no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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