So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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