I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
