While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize