So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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