my phone cant type all the emotion im having
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
