At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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