This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
