omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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