Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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