I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
