shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
