Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
