the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
