I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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