Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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