Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
