Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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