woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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