I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
