Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize