It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
