He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
