Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
