3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
