.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
