When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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