I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
