the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
