all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
