Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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