She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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