I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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