Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
