How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize
