My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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