I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
