i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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