it was like his penis was on wheels.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
