I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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