Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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