I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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