Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
