All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
