I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
