Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize