and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
