Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
