He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
