Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
zippers are such a cool invention
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
