i don't like sucking hair
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
