so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
