she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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