O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
