Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
