Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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