I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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