i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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