Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
