She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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