he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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