He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
