this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
