Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
