so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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