my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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