My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
