I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
