Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
