1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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