Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
