Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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