He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
