I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
