My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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