She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
