i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
