Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
