i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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