Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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