get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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