I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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