i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize