His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
